Advice to Order
April 10th, 2008Advice to Order
By Jean Knowlton
People like to read advice columns. Why? Because they can see that everybody else s problems are so easy to solve. Yet who hasn t thought at one time or another after reading one that they could come up with a much better answer than the columnist? That happens more with some journalists than others. In my opinion, Ann Landers was the best of the bunch because she was sincerely making an effort to get the best information and provide the answer that would be the most helpful. She had her own direct-to-the-point style that didn t sacrifice the well being of the person seeking advice to any desire of her own to score the best zinger of the day.
Many people know about the “feud” between Ann (Esther “Eppie” Pauline Friedman Lederer) and her twin sister Abby (Pauline Esther Friedman Phillips) sparked when Abby started her own column in a competing newspaper. Abby (aka Abigail VanBuren) claimed that she used to help her sister with the column and her answers were “snappier,” which goes to my point. The quality of the advice is of greater importance than the style in which it is delivered. Abby s advice column could be counted on to entertain, but not necessarily, in my opinion, to counsel and inform nearly as well as Ann Landers work. Every time she spoke to the press trying to deny any ill will between her sister and herself, she invariably made it worse by lacing her comments with obvious barbs. She made a remark to the effect that she approved of Ann s face lift and thought she really needed it because her life had been much harder, what with the divorce and all that crying. Then she smugly stated that she never needed any cosmetic surgery herself. At times, her column reflected that same level of sensitivity. Ann and Abby both said the ill will had spanned only a few years and they had long ago put it behind them and that was undoubtedly their highest intention.
After Ann s death, her column ended, but two of her editors of many years, Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, continued her work through “Annie s Mailbox.” They have maintained contact with the consulting experts and they are doing a very good job carrying on her work. Ann s daughter, Margo Howard, also has an advice column of her own, known for her subject-appropriate sign off at the end of each answer. For example, following a letter from a woman complaining of her neighbor s invasion of her property, even taking it upon herself to remove a storage shed filled with the woman s possessions, Margo urged a peaceful solution and signed off, “Margo, Sociably.”
Abby retired and her column, while still bearing her name, is written now by her daughter, Jeanne Phillips. There was a bit of the old battle sparked when Jeanne wrote a sentimental column about how she would miss her aunt following Ann Landers death. Margo replied that her cousin had no relationship with her mother at all while she was alive and her motivation in writing that piece was completely opportunistic.
Other advice columnists carve out a specific niche for themselves, such as Judith Martin, known as “Miss Manners,” who follows in the footsteps of Emily Post covering etiquette. I love her column because she also reminds us of the reason behind the rules of etiquette, that being it provides a guide for everyone to be kind and considerate of one another, not just what piece of silverware goes where and when to use it, although she dispenses that information as well.
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Dr. Phil McGraw s column in Oprah Magazine provides more middle-of-the-road family advice. I admire the fact that he says exactly what he thinks without unnecessary sugar coating. I believe the most helpful advice he has ever given was actually on one his early appearances on Oprah s show, counseling someone grieving a loss. He made a suggestion that was new to most of us at that time, which was to honor and remember the life of their loved one by doing something to keep the memory of their entire lifetime alive, rather than relive over and over the short time period of their death. That advice was much more healing than the, “There, there, have faith, this too shall pass,” murmured by clergy and well-meaning friends. It gave us something we could do at a time when we felt the most helpless. It certainly helped many of us through the tragedies of 9-11.
For the edgier set, The Advice Goddess, by Amy Alkon, tackles modern dilemmas. While she can sometimes be helpful, it seems her substance is drowned in her style and the person seeking counseling often winds up being bludgeoned for their stupidity. For example, to a man seeking advice about whether to ask a co-worker out, having valid misgivings about it, not wanting to create an awkward situation, she blasts: “But…but…it could get weird if she says no! Yes, it could. Especially if you dress in black every day afterward and crumple up beside the copier weeping — as opposed to seeing rejection as the price of getting dates, and each individual rejection merely as a message to be on to the next.” This was actually a rather mild example. Her column is well written stylistically, and very entertaining to read, but the more sensitive among us are more likely to be hurt than helped.
Heloise s Hints column, now carried on by her daughter following her death in 1977, is the place to go when you ve spilled wine on your favorite white shirt or for any number of household emergencies. It has run in Good Housekeeping Magazine for many years and has saved many a prized possession.
In sum, advice columns are always interesting to read, sometimes providing invaluable solutions to some of life s biggest stumbling blocks at their best, and at their worst, more entertaining than a tabloid.
Ann Landers Column, Dear Abby column, Annie s Mailbox, Ask Margo column, The Advice Goddess column, the Oprah Show and Oprah Magazine
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